These past couple of years have been very instrumental in learning a lot about who I really am as opposed to who I say I was. So many things happened. All of the bad ones that come to pass were of my own making. I've learned that in hindsight. I'd this chronic tendency of blaming it all on others, while I sympathized with my short comings.
It really feels like waking up from sleep. I can't believe I was that kind of person and didn't even know it. After all that's how ignorance is, like sleep. When you are not awake (mentally/spiritually), you are sleep walking through
life. Then life hits you hard-BOOOM! And you wake up.
The waking up part is enlightening, obviously. However, it's not easy. I was so used to sleep walking that I don't know how to walk while awake. I remember this line from Julian Cameroon, "Going sane feels just like going insane." How true! I'd to learn the skills-personal, social, business, etc.- that I needed to function in this new reality. Learning is arduous. The fruit is long in coming. Habits are hard to break. (Sometimes, I feel there are two people living in me.)
I'm thrilled that I now know that I am responsible for where I am in life and what happened in my life. (This admission has within itself another admission, "I was (also) irresponsible.") I'm now able to catch myself in the old mode of thinking. I'm able to choose some of my thoughts, and hence, some of my actions. But I've a long way to go. I'm only a baby of few days of age.
It really feels like waking up from sleep. I can't believe I was that kind of person and didn't even know it. After all that's how ignorance is, like sleep. When you are not awake (mentally/spiritually), you are sleep walking through
life. Then life hits you hard-BOOOM! And you wake up.
The waking up part is enlightening, obviously. However, it's not easy. I was so used to sleep walking that I don't know how to walk while awake. I remember this line from Julian Cameroon, "Going sane feels just like going insane." How true! I'd to learn the skills-personal, social, business, etc.- that I needed to function in this new reality. Learning is arduous. The fruit is long in coming. Habits are hard to break. (Sometimes, I feel there are two people living in me.)
I'm thrilled that I now know that I am responsible for where I am in life and what happened in my life. (This admission has within itself another admission, "I was (also) irresponsible.") I'm now able to catch myself in the old mode of thinking. I'm able to choose some of my thoughts, and hence, some of my actions. But I've a long way to go. I'm only a baby of few days of age.
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