Hoping Against Hope, or Lack of It!

I am sitting here wondering here my life's headed. My mind is filled with questions. Will I make it in life? Will I be able to be that person I know I can be? Will the snow storm finally pass and the sun shines on my life? Will I be able to master the strength of character and live off wisdom? These and many others. 

One thing is for sure. I can't afford to give up. Nor can I doubt my abilities. Next to God, I rely on my hope for a better future and my ability to create that better future. However, this certainty about my hope and ability is tested every single day by unforeseen mini-crises. Hanging becomes unbearable. Finding meaning as painful as the labour of giving birth. Tomorrow becomes dreadful. Loneliness erects its tent to stay. Love seems distant like the stone age. It's as if I am without family or anyone. The cold in my heart is more severe than the winter outside. Anger, bitterness and despair are all waiting at the door of my heart to invade it. What is my guard? Will I remain strong or sane?

I must dig deep. I must 'hope against' or lack of it. I must find the sun behind the clouds. I must find light within. I must run when can or crawl when I can't. Whichever way, I must keep on moving. 

Some years ago, I had some personal crisis. What I am going through now is by far the worst. The difference is this time I will pass right through it with my integrity intact. I want to believe that, when the dust settles, victory will be mine. In a strange way, I am grateful for this hardship. It revealed to me a lot about myself. Lots of weaknesses and some promising developments. I hope I am being prepared for something better and bigger. 

The Unbearable Easiness of a Happy Life

Have you ever felt the pain of wasted opportunities, years and talent? Was the pain so acute to the point of robbing you your sleep? Were you an inch close to despair, even suicide? What was it about?

I think that this is much related to the sense of having failed, having no reason to go on in life. You have come face to face with the consequences of all your bad choices in life. The times you spent running after instant gratifications led you to that moment in life. At this moment, you admit to yourself, most probably for the first time, "I've utterly failed." The pain of hanging on is so unbearable that you contemplate how to end it all. But then, you hear a soft voice from within the recesses of your being that says, "Wait and see!" Though confusing, the voice is convincing. It sustains you through the unbearable pain. If you are courageous, you choose to "wait and see". You drag yourself in life to the next day. 

What brought the pain? Failure? Yes, but it is more than that. It is caused by neglecting your priorities day in and day out. It came about because of a conscious choice, or a series of choices, not to live by what you know to be right. The unbearable pain of 'failing' is a cumulative effect of your bad choices in the mundane of daily life. Those times you did the wrong things, the times you postponed the things that needed to be done, the times you lowered your standards and lived like a beast, the times you ran after vain things are all responsible. 

What is the way out of this? First, take responsibility for the mess. Admit that it's all your mess. Second, as you created the mess, start cleaning it. Take control of today and start thinking, being and acting in the way you know to be right. Then, discipline yourself to act at all times in this new manner. Don't slip up! If you do, vow never to repeat it and move on. Don't dwell on your slip up. Don't beat yourself too long. As the mess was not the result of a day of bad choices, the new life cannot be mastered overnight. Be patient with yourself. 

Respect yourself. Don't let others to treat you as a door mat. Be gentle with others. When one mistreats you, make it clear to them it's unacceptable. Do it with love. Above all, have a clear idea of who you are and who you want to be. At the end of the day, it's not what others think of that matters. It's what you think of yourself. Let your outer world resemble the beauty of your inner world. 

ABBA ADELMO

I've always thought and believed that when you hear the death of a friend, you'd start crying or at least sobbing. But that was not what happened to me yesterday when I heard the shocking news about the death of the man who taught me the ABC's of Christianity. He died. He is no more. He is, but not here anymore. He's somewhere else. That fact by itself is mind boggling. I will never see him again. I will never receive the letter I was expecting to receive from every single day of the past few weeks. He will never write letters or books. The only thing he will be able to do would be to praise and worship for eternity the God whom he so dearly loved all his life. 

Oh, death! Until it happens to someone who is close like Fr. Adelmo, or a family member, we don't think of it as it really doesn't exist. And it just comes out of nowhere to upset us. It takes the one we love to the country 'no traveler comes back from'. They go and they are no more. Not here with us anymore. We will never hear their voice or songs again. We will never look into their smiling eyes. We will never hear about the pain of their soul. What is it really? If he is gone, why do I have this weired feeling that he is still here? Why do I 'feel' him? Are you here, Fr. Adelmo? Should I wait for your reply to my letter? Is it coming? Did you happen to write it for me because you don't want to keep me waiting for eternity to hear from you? Will I never find you in your office? Will I never hear your strong deep voice when I knock at your door? 

I remember all the stories, both funny and wise, that you told me. Your homilies, too. I never told you this. I will tell you now. You are the first person who told me it is good to have my own library at home. This inspired me so much that I invest so much money on books. Now when I look at the shelf filled with books, I will always remember you. It is strange. You just said that simple sentence. You may not even remember saying it. But now, my highly treasured property is my books. I came to know great people because of you: St. Thomas Aquinas, Thomas Merton, Henri Nowen, Julia of Norwich, .... 

Do you remember Father the times we used to go for coffee? I never saw you doing this anyone. But you did it with me. You even trusted me to the point of giving me permission to go through your personal diaries for the book that, now, we will never be able publish. Yeah, and when you came to speak to my students at SOS and Beza college? I remember it so well. Even Abay and Abubakar invited you to their classes, too. My students loved you so much because you are funny. 

I salute you, Fr. Adelmo. I salute you for serving God for over half a century faithfully. I salute the work you did for all the young people in Ethiopia, Uganda, Kenya and Sudan. I salute you for being honest to yourself and for resisting the conformity that is so prevalent in the world. I salute you for the books you wrote. I salute you for your love of prayer. (I remember how you used to get up very early in the morning and sing. I can still hear you.) I salute you for keeping your promise to Mother Teresa and for celebrating Mass to her sisters faithfully for many many years. I salute you for all the support you rendered to the poor. 

I know you are at rest. I just want to say, May your rest be with God. 

Are You a Robot or a Person?

I was just asked the following question, "Does the decision of another person not affect you?" and I decided to explore my own thoughts with my blog. The first answer that came to my mind was, "Yes, it surely does." On the second thought I found out that the decisions of other people have usually affected me because I am not as strong as I want to be. It also affect me because we are all one, that means we are eternally connected by human fiber. That is why a single act of goodness is a blessing to the human family. And a single evil act makes the human family less human. This is not a mere grandiose statement. I truly believe that what it is. 

Exploring the idea further, I have an all together different set of opinions about it. I believe that you are primarily affected by your own thoughts, words and actions. When you think, speak and act pure, your life is pure.  When you entertain any impure thought, or speak unbecomingly, or act like a beast, then again your life will mirror just that. The truth in the adage is true: "You reap what you sow." 

You may ask, "OK, but people through their words and actions can ruin your life." That's right, too. They do this all the time. The question, however, is, "Do they ruin your life because they have power over you or is it because you gave them the power?" The world has plenty of examples to prove both sides of the argument. But I believe that if you choose to have power over yourself, i.e., if you have 'self-mastery', in thought, word and action, you will be surprised to find that people actually have less power over you. People's power over you is as much as you choose to give them. No one has power over the person who has power over himself. No one can ruin the person who has his life consciously in his own hands. 

You see the problem is you don't take full responsibility over your life. It is easy to be led than to make your own destiny. It is easy to blame others than to say I screwed my life myself. When 'they' are in charge of your life, then 'they' are free to do what they wish with it. 'They' can make you happy, or sad, or angry, or delighted, or depressed as they wish. But if you are in control of your life (which is to be in control of what you think, say and do), then you are the boss. Nobody can play with you pressing buttons like a robot toy. 

It is easy to change. It is tougher to keep the change consistently. This is how I think you should go about it. 

1. Make a DECISION never to be anyone's toy. Be ware not to be your parents', or your spouse's, or your friends' toy. 
2. Learn to CONTROL your thoughts since "act is the blossom of thought, and joy and suffering are its fruits."
3. DISCIPLINE yourself consistently until you become your own person in thought, word and act. 
4. When you FAIL to do so, as it will happen more frequently-especially the first few months, pick yourself up and move on taking your lessons from what happened. Keep on keeping on!

"MAN IS MADE OR UNMADE BY HIMSELF."

Principles

To be successful in life and to enjoy more of life, it's absolutely indispensable to have a set of principles as a guide. The principles need not be too many. They are only a few that we can't afford to break them. It happens that we don't live up to them. When this happens, they come to our rescue by reminding us of our priorities and set the whole course anew again. 

What does a life without principles like? It is like a plane without a pilot. Not only marked by the way it's flying, but it is also fatal to the passenger. Life without principles as a guide is like a plane without a pilot. It goes nowhere but crashes down destroying everyone and everything. It is also marked by the haphazard actions that fill it to its brim. 

Life when lived with principles is tough at the start. It is like anything worth doing. Then after much effort and labor it gets easier and becomes more enjoyable. Defeat is when you throw your principles out of the window believing it is impossible to follow them. If you persist to pass the most difficult phase of implementing them, then you will be shocked to find how easy it is to live by them. It is here that you start to reap the rich harvest they bring you. 

I believe this why Socrates said, "Unexamined life is not worth living." Formulating your principles call for a depth analysis of your personality, your strengths and weaknesses. It also helps you to take your life in your own hands so that you stop blaming other people and circumstances that are without. Your principles demand that you ACT instead of REACT to people or circumstances. They are statements of what you are going to do, rather than how you are going to REACT  to things that happen to you.

Now, take the next few minutes and write down your principles. Vow to yourself by placing your signature at the end of your principles that you will keep every one of your principles NO MATTER WHAT. The effect takes of immediately. You begin to BE the person you set out to be.

What You Actually Have Is You

Hey, everybody. It's been a while since I last posted something. Hopefully, I'll remain faithful to my blog from today on.

These days, one truth revealed itself to me in an excruciating manner that resembles labour. I finally came to accept that in the most painful moments of my life I am alone. At the moment where I need the loving presence of others, I'm alone to face life's beatings. No family or friend was able to penetrate my hurting heart to comfort it. I had literally to go through it all by myself. And I told myself that the only one I have is me.

This revelation is not some sort of egoistical isolation of oneself, nor some sort of self-pity. It is a hard fact unsurfaced by life's reality. I've been taught by life in the way that I could understand I've to pull it together and be a man if I want to achieve anything worth while with my life. No one, I mean it-no one, will be there for you when you are going through the harshest things that can happen to your life. I don't feel at all the desire to close in on myself and hate people. Rather, what I feel is to live like a human and be courageous to face everyday mundane life without bitterness. 

Here are the lessons summarized:

1. Don't lower your standards to anyone, not even to wife or husband or any close person.

2. Stick to your guns.

3. Don't entertain negative thoughts about others and yourself.

4. Know that you have absolutely no reason not to be happy in life.