Have you ever felt the pain of wasted opportunities, years and talent? Was the pain so acute to the point of robbing you your sleep? Were you an inch close to despair, even suicide? What was it about?
I think that this is much related to the sense of having failed, having no reason to go on in life. You have come face to face with the consequences of all your bad choices in life. The times you spent running after instant gratifications led you to that moment in life. At this moment, you admit to yourself, most probably for the first time, "I've utterly failed." The pain of hanging on is so unbearable that you contemplate how to end it all. But then, you hear a soft voice from within the recesses of your being that says, "Wait and see!" Though confusing, the voice is convincing. It sustains you through the unbearable pain. If you are courageous, you choose to "wait and see". You drag yourself in life to the next day.
What brought the pain? Failure? Yes, but it is more than that. It is caused by neglecting your priorities day in and day out. It came about because of a conscious choice, or a series of choices, not to live by what you know to be right. The unbearable pain of 'failing' is a cumulative effect of your bad choices in the mundane of daily life. Those times you did the wrong things, the times you postponed the things that needed to be done, the times you lowered your standards and lived like a beast, the times you ran after vain things are all responsible.
What is the way out of this? First, take responsibility for the mess. Admit that it's all your mess. Second, as you created the mess, start cleaning it. Take control of today and start thinking, being and acting in the way you know to be right. Then, discipline yourself to act at all times in this new manner. Don't slip up! If you do, vow never to repeat it and move on. Don't dwell on your slip up. Don't beat yourself too long. As the mess was not the result of a day of bad choices, the new life cannot be mastered overnight. Be patient with yourself.
Respect yourself. Don't let others to treat you as a door mat. Be gentle with others. When one mistreats you, make it clear to them it's unacceptable. Do it with love. Above all, have a clear idea of who you are and who you want to be. At the end of the day, it's not what others think of that matters. It's what you think of yourself. Let your outer world resemble the beauty of your inner world.
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